No Rest for the Wicked
Posted on | July 7, 2008 | 3 Comments
Today’s post is a combination of two things I try not to do too often – perhaps unsuccessfully: a post about my life and a post apologizing for not posting.
But inasmuch as I am in the middle of the most intense creative period of my life (did I mention that in the midst of all this I made another 48 hour film with the Very Clever team?), it’s a little difficult to say what’s art-and-theatre related and what’s not these days.
So here’s the deal: I can’t sleep. It’s not that I can’t fall asleep – if I have nowhere to be and I lie still for ten minutes, I’m out. But I can’t stay asleep. Courtesy the sleep survey I’ve been asked to fill out, here’s last night (all times approximate and blurry): 11:45 pm In bed And, like most mornings, my 7:30 alarm begins a 30-minute minuet with my snooze button, lurching into and out of delirious half-dreams and semi-panic attacks about how I’m going to get done all the stuff I need to get done when I can’t even see straight. If I had a newborn, this would be an average night, I know. The thing is, I’ve had sleep problems most of my life. I was a fairly regular sleep-walker through my teenage years (with a couple of hi-larious episodes in my early twenties), and I’ve been told I talk in my sleep quite a bit still. But I always associated the symptoms – bad mood, fatigue, lack of motivation, inability to think clearly, generally feeling like a schmuck – to other stuff. Even when I knew it was due to lack of sleep, I usually had the opportunity to completely crash on the weekends – spend a day or two sleeping and playing video games, recharging for the week to come. Not so anymore. The end of Trust in mid-September will mark the end of an unexpectedly busy (and tiring, and fun) year for me: the Chalk process stared in September 2007 and ran through November, 1776 started rehearsing in November and ran through March of this year, and the rest of 2008 since then has been Laughter on the 23rd Floor, which started back in February. We’re in the third week of rehearsals for Trust – it opens 10 days after Laughter closes. (A glance at my planner tells me 2007 wasn’t much better – I had about 5 weeks out of 52 that wasn’t spent in rehearsal, a show, or both). It’s in this context that I made the decision to take a break from performing. Or, rather, I avoided making the decision as long as I could until I was so tired that the thought of starting another project – no matter how exciting – finally seemed unpleasant. (Which took a surprisingly long time. I attribute this either to my overwhelming love of the process of making theatre in this town, or to my overwhelming fear that if I say “no” to a project my fledgling career will be over.) So I’m currently actively declining projects which start before January, and I’m mostly okay with my decision. It’s hard because I love the rehearsal process, and I love performing – more than love it, it’s pretty much what gives meaning to everything else I do. And I keep hearing about a new companies and interesting projects that I want to be a part of. But I’ve been realizing that, at this stage, I’m operating at about 60% capacity. If I got involved in another project right now, I wouldn’t be a part of it, only a part of me would. But, of course, this doesn’t mean I’m going to be sitting on my ass. This hiatus will give me some room to lay the groundwork for what’s next. First off, I’m going to get this sleep thing figured out (the survey is part of the prep work for an overnight at a sleep research facility, where I hope to have many interesting nodes attached to my head). Then there’s a little thing called the Chicago Theater Database that can use all the attention I can give it right now. There’s also all that stuff one needs to do to go about getting commercial or voiceover work, which I have studiously neglected to do for years. And it will free me up to go see all this theatre I’ve been databasing. Not to mention travel: in addition to my sister’s aforementioned NC wedding, I think it’s high time I got my heathen ass to the Big Apple. And I’ll have more time to write. The worst casualty of the last few months has been my posting schedule, and it’s not for lack of things to write about. But lately I’ve found I can squeeze out only about 800 cogent words a week (after much proofreading and editing) – and my employer would really much rather those 800 words be in a fundraising letter than a blog post. Throttling back on the rest of my commitments will give me some fuel for the Homunculus train – and you may start seeing my name popping up in bylines elsewhere.
12:00 am Asleep
12:50 am Awake
1:00 am Asleep
1:45 am Awake
2:00 am Asleep
2:30 am Awake
2:45 am Asleep
5:00 am Awake
5:10 am Asleep
6:30 am Awake
6:45 am Asleep
7:10 am Awake
7:15 am Asleep
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3 Responses to “No Rest for the Wicked”
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July 7th, 2008 @ 12:37 pm
I did the sleep study and now sleep with a cpap, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself (well, OK, aside from marrying my wife). My sleeping and waking up always got worse the more exhausted I became due to overwork. Why? Because it was when I managed to get to deep sleep that I stopped breathing! It sounds to me like that is where you are at. Good luck — I’m sure it will help you a great deal.
July 7th, 2008 @ 12:54 pm
They seem to have ruled out apnea at this stage – I’ve never felt like I was out of breath, nor has any (shall we say) overnight companion ever noticed me struggling for air. The early diagnosis is some form of narcolepsy – but we’ll hopefully know in a few weeks!
Thanks for the well-wishes – and welcome back to the blogosphere!
July 8th, 2008 @ 10:40 am
Narcolepsy? Wouldn’t that be about constantly falling asleep rather than constantly waking up? Well, the docs will figure it out, and you will be a new man. Which means you have to change all your resume photos and get new clothes…